Aug. 30, 2020

Latest Trump Bombshell

  I watched the news today, oh boy. . .

 During a press briefing at the White House, PNN’s Tim Lambasta asked President Trump if he always washed his hands after using the john. The President replied, “Of course, Tim.” President Trump then abruptly called on another reporter known for lobbing softball questions. Nevertheless, Lambasta, fearlessly speaking truth to power, persisted.

LAMBASTA: Without exception, Mr. President?

PRES: Without exception, Tim. Is there someone else with a question about the China virus or the terrible Iran deal?

LAMBASTA: But Mr. President, my sources tell me you failed to wash your hands last Tuesday at approximately 3:30 pm after using the bathroom adjoining the Lincoln bedroom.

 PRES: And how, Tim, is this relevant to anything important?

 LAMBASTA: But Mr. President, if you lie about washing your hands, should the American people believe anything you say?

 PRES: Tim, I don’t know who leaked about leaking, but since no one but me was there at the time, how could anyone possibly know whether I did or didn’t wash my hands? Someone else with a real question? 

The following day, PNN’s news ticker read, “TRUMP DENIES CLAIMS ABOUT WHITE HOUSE ACTIVITY BEHIND CLOSED DOORS”

LAMBASTA (In front of White House): In what looks like another White House cover-up, President Trump yesterday denied allegations that his administration fails to safe-guard the health and safety of the American people. Reliable sources contradict his assertions of innocence. White House press secretary Maybeigh Veritas denied the claims made by a source close to the President, saying, “This is the very definition of yellow journalism.” PNN will closely follow this latest example of malfeasance in the White House. Back to you, Dom.

 DOM: And there you have it, another scandal in a White House plagued with scandals. You can’t make this stuff up. And did you hear the dog whistle Maybeigh Veritas used to appeal to Trumps’s base, using the word “yellow” to appeal to xenophobia of Asian people like the Chinese. Really, you can’t make this stuff up. This is PNN, America’s source for views without news.